Teaching old dogs new tricks

Trying to teach a really smart person how to use Facebook is tough. Husband is impressed with how in the know I am about the trivia of so many people’s lives so he asked me once again how to use Facebook. 

The last time I tried to untangle the mysteries of friending, posting, liking versus commenting, chatting and managing permissions in this volatile terrain things did not go well.  He wrote an essay in his status box and when it got rejected he took it personally. He declared the app to be stupid because it wouldn’t do what he wanted it to do. That’s the problem. His expectations are too high.

Husband thinks that Facebook is a benign application that is designed to facilitate social connections.  That’s a bit of a Trojan horse. It looks like that is the purpose but actually, it wants to alter our DNA.

I read that Facebook wants to change the way people do business.  Today, when we want a commercial exchange, we go to Amazon.  When we want a social exchange, we go to Facebook. I think the wizards behind the Facebook curtain dream of a tomorrow when every social exchange will have commercial potential.

When I was explaining to husband the purpose of a status update, new boxes I’d never seen before kept popping up.

Me:  Just write two sentences that let people know you are alive and well. Tell them we are going to a movie this afternoon.

Him: How do I get rid of this box that wants to know my location? Why is it asking me that?

Me: So Groupon can send you a coupon for popcorn? I don’t say that. I tell him to close the box.

Ten minutes later he notices a response from daughter-in-law who is delighted to see Dad online and asks him a bunch of questions.

Him: If I answer her, won’t everyone see my answers?

Me: Yes.  That’s the point.  Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want the world to hear.  Pretend you are having a conversation in a grocery store. Pretend it’s a grocery store in a small town. The cashier is married to your third cousin so whatever you say will travel through the family. The guy in line behind you is an off duty cop, so keep it legal.  You get my drift.

Him:  How do I get all these conversations to go away?

Me:  They never go away, remember that too.

Husband closes down Facebook and returns to his more compelling interests, the physics of flight, second guessing the stock market, string theory—and I have new material for a blog.