Processing

What did my mother mean when she said, “Sydney, I can’t do anything,” in my 7 am wakeup call?

“What do you mean, you can’t do anything?”

“I can’t do anything.”

“You can’t get out of bed and get to the bathroom?”

“That’s right.”

Alarmed, we were at Skyline Assisted Living Community within the hour.

“Can I help you to the bathroom, Mom?”

“No, I’m okay for now.”

How can that be? I have to figure out what it is she really wants. Does she want me to cancel my vacation? I have the sense that this isn’t that kind of manipulation, though it is clearly manipulation of some kind. After meeting with the Wellness staff, that is clear. They say they saw her up and dressed and walking around just two days ago. But today, she says she’s done.

Part of the difficulty is being sandwiched between two communication styles. In my parent’s generation, women talked on the phone for hours and never really got to the point. My kids, on the other hand, are alarmingly direct and apt to text me, “Getting a divorce. How R U?”

With the parents, I’ll know how they feel, but not what they want. With the kids, I’ll know what they want, but not how they feel. (Caveat, to the best of my knowledge, neither of my children is getting a divorce.)So I am left wishing for a little less information from my mother and a little more information from my kids. I couldn’t even begin to analyze my own communication style.

A call at 7 pm this evening confirms that we really do have something to worry about. Mom is now on a two hour watch and if they don’t like what they see, she is off to the emergency room in an ambulance. If she doesn’t die from an undiagnosed illness, she will die from embarrassment.

I’ve tried to honor her express wish to have no medical attention. Now I have to shield her as best I can from the result of that decision. She has no primary care doctor so no one knows what is really going on with her. She wants to be made comfortable, but we don’t know how.

Finally, I think I understand what she is trying to tell me.

“I’m scared. I’m sorry things have turned out this way. It won’t be much longer. Will you be there?”

Yes mom, I’ll be there.