I buy cheap scissors and litter them on desks and countertops all over the house where they will be accessible when I want to separate a return form from a meeting notice, slice the top off a vacuum sealed pack of salami or stab at a foil-wrapped card of allergy pills. But when I reach for them, they aren’t there.
Apparently cheap scissors have a Facebook page where they announce nocturnal gatherings in my kitchen drawers. They get together, party all night and when I finally track them down, they are piled on top of each other like an exhausted mosh pit.
Why haven’t the prayer beads I lost showed up in the drawer to evangelize these lost scissors? And my ivory carved elephant earrings, made in France, purchased for $4 in a Berkeley head shop, stolen by a babysitter – why haven’t they used the sponsored links on Google to find and reunite with me?
I must admit, my cheap scissors do not break out in a chorus of “Once I was lost, but now I am found!” when I locate them in their nefarious nest behind my silverware organizer. If I pull them out by their blades, warn them about the pitfalls of mob behavior and attempt to restore them to a purposeful existence they disappear again as soon as I turn my back.
So I’ve decided to try something different. Maybe more is not better, better is better. If I pay good money for a quality pair of scissors, one with ergonomic eye rings, a properly threaded lower shear blade, an upper shear blade with a finely beveled back and a cutting edge that is, well cutting edge – they might not want to run off and huddle with the buck-and-a-quarter riff-raff.
Scissors formed of hot forged cutlery grade steel might appreciate their place of prominence on my counter. A quick internet search led me to KnifeCenter.com where I can choose from 283 models, each with a different purpose.
This could be a slippery slope.
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;->
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